"You Are Ridiculous!"

This post may have been a little more excitable had I written it Sunday night when I first thought about writing it, but I was really busy this week and am just now finding time to put into words what I've been thinking.

It all has to do with Devin Hester.

As a matter of fact, had I been in the same situation writing-wise as last year, I likely would have called Hester's shot(s) against Denver. It wouldn't have been research-based. No, like most of my calls, it would have been anger-based. Mark Schlereth had been on the Mike&Mike Show earlier in the week (leading up to NFL's week 12) and he said that Joshua Cribbs had overtaken Hester as the best return man in the league. Yes, seriously. I understand Cribbs is a good - hell, great - player, but this is Devin freaking Hester. The funny thing was, I started to try and calm myself by saying (again, to myself...I'm an outfielder - we talk to ourselves), "well, it's been a while since Hester made a big play, so the media has to try and say something to separate themselves. That's what they do." Hold on, Show. Define "a while." Was it Week 8 when his 39 yard punt return set up the Bears only TD against the Lions, after being avoided all day by Rod Marinelli's troops? Only TDs count? Ok (I guess we'll disregard the fact that Cribbs only has 1 all season and 2 in a career that has seen 113 returns. Compare that to 10 TDs in 131 returns for Hester if you wish). I guess we'll have to go all the way back to week 6 against the Vikings. Did week 4 against the Lions or week 2 against the Chiefs count? What about ones he's had called back? Are we forgetting the Super Bowl runback? Can we count the take-back in the playoffs that was called back on a block in the back that was behind the play (correct call, just saying it didn't spring him)?

I digress. I shouldn't have gotten so angry about it. It's just that the return specialist position is such a specialized position. I guess it would be like a middle reliever in baseball, only if a middle reliever could single-handedly change a game to the point that teams were able to purposely avoid them. I won't say "Stink's" absurd statement was like saying Derek Anderson is better than Peyton Manning (which it was), but it was pretty outlandish.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to completely gush about Devin Hester. I'll get the possible (and there aren't many) retractions out of the way now.

Retractions to this Post

- "The Bears suck this year." Hester doesn't. I'm talking about him, not the team.
- "He's only played a year and a half. Let's hold off on the Hall of Fame induction." That is precisely what makes him so great. What's he's accomplished usually takes a much longer time, if it even gets accomplished, which is much more rare than a 40 TD pass season or 1500 yard rushing season. A TON more rare than the latter.
- "Dante Hall was just as good that one year." Uh, yeah....he really wasn't even close. Not in the same ballpark. Remember when everyone was clamoring for Hall to be MVP at the midpoint of 2003. Well, he ended up with 4 return TDs. He had 3 in his rookie year. Compare the 7 he had through two seasons and it makes everyone else pale in comparison except for Mr. Hester. Hester already has four this year, which would tie Hall's career high. It's two short for #23, but fret not, we have 5 remaining games on the docket. He can do it.
- "But look at Hall's decline after that when teams started kicking away from him." Look at Hester's numbers this year with most teams avoiding him. I'm not worried. Teams will be dumb enough. Yeah, you'll have the occasional Raiders incident where it works, but you'll also have ego-maniacs like Mike Shanahan who think they'll roll the dice and get away with it only to lose.
- "He fumbles too much." Actually, you got me. He makes a lot of dumb mistakes on fielding punts and loose balls that will hopefully go away with experience. Still, wouldn't you take that bad with his good on your team? I get furious at Rex Grossman and don't forget about it because he sucks. Let me tell you, a game-breaking 80-yard TD will make you forget about a bad play pretty quickly.

Call him what you will: Superman, The Windy City Flier, Anytime, God, etc. I call him the best returner in the history of football. More concisely put:

Best ever.

Yes, already.

The Numbers

Some people need numbers, which makes the case easy. Hey, I like numbers. Let's look at them, because they are thoroughly stupid.

Career return TDs:
Brian Mitchell 13 in 223 games and 1,070 returns
Dante Hall 12 in 99 games and 442 returns
Eric Metcalf 12 in 179 games and 631 returns
Devin Hester 10 in 27 games and 131 returns
Deion Sanders 9 in 189 games and 367 returns
Mel Gray 9 in 179 games and 673 returns
Ollie Matson (who?) 9 in 179 games and 208 returns when they wore leather helmets.

Like I said...STUPID stats.

Other stuff...he's taken back 3 punts this year; the rest of the league has taken back 6...second in the league with 16 yards per punt return with the entire league watching out for him...the Bears have received 59 kickoffs this season, and Hester has 31 returns. Out of the teams that use one primary returner, this percentage is absolutely off the charts as the lowest, which shows teams are going out of their way to avoid him a lot more than any other returner and that's on a kickoff, which means when you kick away from a returner you run the risk of losing at least 15 (and sometimes up to 40) valuable yards in the field position game.

It's tough to find easily sortable stats that compare using average per return type measurements (especially combined kick and punt which is what I really wanted - yeah, punts generally garner 15-20 yards less per return...I just wanted to see the numbers). Others to consider would be Desmond Howard, Gale Sayers (30+ average yards per return and 6 career KR TDs), Billy "White Shoes" Johnson, and Jermaine Lewis. If you look back over any of those names and think only of their return game, you can't possible argue against Hester being the best ever. Yeah, Sayers was an immortal and Deion was electric. Go on sheer returns though. Think about arguing that Reggie Miller was the best 3-point shooter of all-time and having Michael Jordan somewhere on the list. Don't get distracted with externalities. Concentrate on just the single aspect. He's the tops.

The Non-Numbers

Some people don't like stats as much. As JRH has said before, there are lies, damn lies, and statistics (he lifted that from somewhere, I know it!). For those people, there are the highlights.

Career highlights of every TD with announcer's calls. This is AWESOME.

There is also the clutch factor. Think about how big his returns are. It started out innocent enough with the tack-on TD vs. the Packers in week 1 last season. From there, though, he became an absolute force that you couldn't avoid noticing.

Return TD #2:
Everyone knows the game because of one of the best meltdowns in post-game press conference history. Many also know about how the Bears fantasy D/ST put up about 40 points in the second half. Hester was the one who put the team over the top with a clutch punt return.

Return TD #__. Apparently for the records this one doesn't count.
At the time, the game in the Meadowlands against Me-ki's Giants was thought to be for control of the NFC and many thought the Bears were being outplayed. So Hester innocently stands under the goal-post on an abnormally long FG try from Jay Feely. And he dekes the G-men by standing for a second, then takes off. 108 yards later the Bears have the game sealed.

Return TD #3:
Breaks a 0-0 tie in the second against the Vikings while breaking many tackles and making several stellar moves. This run proves he's more than just speed.

Return TD #4:
Gives the Bears an early lead on MNF against the Rams, who are desperately needing a win to get back in the playoff race.

Return TD #5:
Rams need stops to get back in the game. Hester puts it out of reach.

Return TD #6:
Takes control of the Bears home game against the Chiefs. This isn't funny anymore, but it's most certainly fun. He also had one called back in this one.

Return TD #7:
Answers a Lion "get me back in the game" TD with a runback of his own. Too bad no one else on the squad played with fire that day.

Return TD #8:
Bears got on the board first, once again by virtue of the Windy City Flier! 89 yards. Ho hum, just another day at the office.

Return TDs #9 and #10 you saw above. Each TD tied the game in a game that the Bears absolutely had to have and energized the crowd at times when they were ready to sit quietly.

The Excitement

Oh yeah, there's also this gem: The most exciting opening play in the storied history of the Super Bowl. That counts as clutch...and by the way, let's remember I'm only posting about Hester. I know the Colts were better and the Bears lost. I'd also like to point out that the only two championships I've witnessed from my favorite teams were when I was in first grade ("we" kicked the Patriots' asses) and second grade (Alford hit seven 3s that game). Since then the best sports moments I've witnessed as a fan have come without a title. I can tell you this: The only other time I was as excited as when Hester took that kick back was when Sammy Sosa hit a bomb off Ugeth Urbina in game 1 of the '03 NLCS to tie the game in the 9th. Those are my top two because it would be really ridiculous to use things from 1st or 2nd grade. I do love the sweet 16 victory over Duke in '02 as well, but I digress. Hester is a Godsend.

The Claim

With all of this in mind, I'd like to make my own possibly-outlandish-but-I-want-to-stand-behind-it claim....here we go:

Devin Hester is the best athlete at doing his job in sports today.

His job is to return kicks. The return game, in conjunction with the kicking game is all about field position. Thus, even when Hester doesn't touch the ball he's a stud. Teams kick the ball out of bounds and the Bears end up with solid field position just because teams don't want to give the Bears a free six. Teams kick him the ball and they give up six at a clip that has never even been remotely broached in the history of the game (a TD every 13 return touches - which is just lame it's so stupid). Any other stud has some sort of a peer. Brady and Manning have each other. Urlacher and Ray Lewis have each other (and at this point, at least this season, they are probably overrated a bit). Champ Bailey has several guys in his ballpark. Tomlinson has always had company, but now Adrian Peterson, when healthy, may be even better (especially since the Vikes have NO discernible passing attack to take pressure off of him). WR is crowded at the top. There's a clump of elite lineman on both sides of the ball. The best you can come up with for Hester is Cribbs, and I outlined above how outlandish it is. I honestly believe it would be like the leap taken if Derek Anderson was the second best QB in the league to either Manning or Brady. Not a bad player at all, just not even on the same planet as far as who is better. Use another sport. Go ahead. Find any job, as specialized as you want, and there is never the type of separation there is with Hester. Base stealers, middle relief, free throw shooters, defenders, etc. Nothing. Hester is the best at his job. It's just that simple, and I'll tell you what: I could make a case here, once again, for best ever. I just don't feel like getting into those logistics just yet (sounds like a future blog idea!).

The Show-Factor

It's somewhat fitting that I became known, in the earlier part of this decade, as "The Greatest Show on Earth." You see, Devin Hester is already my favorite Bears player of all time. Seriously, if you are a Bears fan, how can he not be? Melby got made fun of by Snee and Dolas for saying his "heart stops" every time Hester touches the ball. Guess what? Mine does, too. I'll admit it. I actually get physically ready now. I'll sit up and make sure anything throwable is cleared away. Why? He's that good a show. So call the old Rams "the Greatest Show on Turf," and continue to call me the my current moniker, "Show." Refer to the circus as the place that Kramer would never attend. Just don't call anyone or anything else "The Greatest Show on Earth." That is reserved for Devin Hester.

For he truly is The Greatest Show on Earth.